untitled

a blank page.
at two in the morning.
a lull in the bloodstream,
or maybe just in the mood swing.
can't sleep. too scared.
can't live. too trapped.

it's dark outside.
but life goes on, undeterred by night.
it passes me by.

so much pain
for so many months;
but I've grown used to it.
it's not really pain anymore,
just anesthetic.

it almost never hurts.
except for when it does.
and when it does,
it rips me apart.

it breaks me.
the way you broke me.
only infinitely worse.

I have to know:
is this forever?